[ini kisah yang dik copy..]-dari kak fatinekrami utk akk elin.


Then there was the loss of another soul who not many knew initially of his pain, but oh the battle that he had fought…

Only his family and his true loved ones knew. And from what I knew, he was the sort of guy that did not like to lead on much regarding his feelings, especially his pain to others. It was his way of sparing them and silently consoling them. He had many worrying over him, wondering about him all in sincere concern but what I knew too, was that he would use his playful demeanor to mask all his sufferings and it was only behind closed doors would he disclose his pain.

And even that, he would try his best to disclose not more than what he knew would make them more worried. And for some, he needn’t say anything and they’d be able to see it etched on his face and in the way he carried himself.

He truly was the strongest fighter. Our late Prince of Johor was a strong fighter.

Fate has not allowed for us to meet, but with his passing, it had pained me more than I knew possible.

Perhaps it was because over the course of 15 years I had always watched over for my bestfriend’s back since Day 1. And it is with this reason alone that I nearly lost myself when I saw how broken she was and still is trying to find peace with his passing.

I have always taken on looking out for Elin to be part of my best interest. With being so protective of her, and being allowed to stand up for her throughout our late primary school years up to high school during all our amateur-getting-bullied days, I was always able to comfort her or fight for her. However, during the course of her relationship with TJ, I knew where I stood and not only was Elin adjusting to her new position in how to go about carrying herself in the relationship, but it was also an adjustment for her mother, big sister and I, who all once held some sort of voice or power in standing up for her, now no longer had the freedom to protect her, as we too had to learn that our best weapon from there onward was – doa.

None of us was able to freely accompany or be with Elin during her trips down to Johor. She was also making so many trips then and it was rare that we got to see each other or that I would hear from her. And it was fine because I knew she was happy being where she was despite being very well aware of all that she’s seeing and going through.

Is it ever easy seeing your boyfriend hurt? Going through chemo? Watching him sleep hours on end and just sitting by making doa and giving zikir? Hearing complaints of pain and when he doesn’t, see it on his face instead? Is it ever easy to make trips from hotel to hospital from a.m – a.m and forgetting what sleep really is because tired has already become a part of you but not entirely feeling it because you want all your waking minutes to be there for him and make the most out of it as you know in battling cancer, time is of what is is. Time is time. It goes and you can only make the most of what you’ve got. Anymore than that, it is with DOA.

And masyaAllah…how Allah made Elin see that. SubhanAllah how He had helped her heart see that.

She gave herself so unselfishly to nurse him, support him, to laugh with him, to give him strength when he least had it, to love him…and Allah knew that no one better could have been there for him as how Elin did because she was the most pure of them all in how she had loved and cared for him. Allah SWT knew. Because to put someone beside TJ while he fought through his pain, it would only be a person who readily turns to Allah, be it in good times or in tested times.

And how both lovers were tested. In all her happiness, sorrows, doubts and frustrations…she would turn to Allah. Be it wherever TJ’s treatments took her, she would still turn to Allah for strength and guidance. And she had encouraged and taught him to do the same. Recollecting stories of how she would tell me of when TJ would be feeling scared, doubtful or hurting, she would always remind him to believe in Allah. Make doa. Baca zikir. She spoke so much of Allah’s Mightiness always. Even when she was on the brink of weakness and even when she began to doubt her own strength, she knew she had to fight through and believe in the best and not lose her iman. She knew that if she was weak, he must be feeling much weaker. She couldn’t lose it for TJ. We all prayed for her. We all prayed for him even harder.

But Allah SWT loves him more. He also loves Elin just. ❤

To be tested tests after tests, both partners fought their own battle for love and life. Elin to be strong for him…and TJ to fight his illness, not once – but twice. Every relationship has no guarantee.But not every relationship has a 50-50 chance veil of uncertainty hovering over them. But both souls had loved each other deeply and both had tried holding on as best they could despite it.

I will never know what it’s like to walk in Elin’s shoes, but her mourning, is my mourning. Her sadness will always been my sadness. I feel so weak in comparison to her because she has had to stay strong and hurdle through all her challenges for so long that I feel so unprepared to have to deal with coping with her trials whenever she sought for me. At times I’m lost for words and can only offer her what I know to be true which is that – throughout our friendship, she is the most manja, but somehow was pick and chosen to be by TJ’s side and Allah had decided to test her iman with obstacles and obstacles through which never once did Elin fail to make me proud to see her deal and take them on with such devotion for both TJ and her firm faith in Allah’s plans.

Everyone spoke of how splendid Elin’s life must be. To be dating who she was dating. And I still kept getting such comments from people post public announcement of  terminal illness. They would feel for her, yes, very genuinely I could see,  but it still lingered on how nice it must be dating a Prince.

Little did they know it was far from a bed of roses. Little did they know that they don’t have dates. That her time is spent usually by his bedside watching him sleep. Little do they know that she is all alone far away from her family, something that is very hard for a girl who has never left her comfort zone and little do they know that when she has time alone, she spaces out and cries. Little do they know how much it actually breaks her hearrt when she hears them say of how lucky she is when all she can think of is her unguaranteed future with him. Little do they know how many lumps in her throat she has had to swallow, bite back tears or hide away her tear-brimmed eyes to avoid questions of his health.

I will never know of a love more true than that of their love for each other.

Tunku Jalil’s passing was well documented. And as difficult as it was to see it so well-spread on all forms of media, there was one thing I gathered and it was nothing less than – bersyukur. Many did not know of him personally, but what made me so proud was that he left a good name behind him. Nation spoke so highly of him, of how he will always be remembered as the kind, thoughtful, playful prince who would play pranks on the nurses, make others laugh always, sneak away from the Istana’s grounds to bask in a bit of normal life and how in his humbleness, down-to-earth demeanor will always make the other princes pale in comparison. Not one wrote otherwise. And I was grateful for that. That he had left a great legacy behind him. ❤

Lil had always loved Elin. He knew better than she did. With that sole reason alone he had pushed her away in belief it would spare her from getting herself hurt. He loved her too much to see her hurt. But The Creator loved them more and on 5th of December 2015, Y.A.M Tunku Abdul Jalil Iskandar ibni Sultan Ibrahim Ismail was laid to rest, insyaAllah a peaceful rest and returned to his Creator.


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